Running With Quills: Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

Susan wants to know: Do you wear your heart on your sleeve?

Or is it just me? I confess. I’m an emotional slob. Don’t get me wrong, I’m nobody’s pushover. But every darn time I try to express how proud I am of someone I love, tears invariably well in my eyes. And wouldn’t it be grand just once to have a disagreement where I make my argument in a calm, logical manner? But, no. Right when I want to look my strongest, I usually end up crying and looking weak and girly instead—a particularly annoying habit when my argument is rock solid. But, hey, if someone puts me down I always have the perfect comeback .

Tough luck if it’s an hour, a day, or a week too late.

That’s why I adore what I do for a living. Creating strong heroines with the juice to kick ass and take names, with the emotional chops to stand up for themselves without blubbering like babies, gives me soooo much pleasure. They’ve got their vulnerabilities, but having their verbal skills fail them when they need them most generally isn’t one of them. I’m not stuck with the first thing that comes out of my-- er, my heroine’s—mouth. I have a delete button, and I’m not afraid to use it until I get things right.

What I wouldn’t give to have one of those in real life.

So how about you? Do you handle your emotions with a bit more finesse than I? (Which, okay, I admit, wouldn't exactly take a lot)

36 Comments:

Lucy Monroe said...: Oooh...I used to have the opposite problem. I could *not* cry. I'm still not hot at it, but I'm almost 40...I've learned. LOL

The thing is, I hated being hurt and only sounding angry. I'm not sure the opposite would be much of a joy either. But the tears in my eyes when I'm proud of someone I love? Oh, yeah...'specially my kids. Love 'em to death.

Now that I've learned to cry, I've discovered dh has a fault. He can't handle tears and walks away, hoping I'll get over it. He's working on it. LOL

Before I head off, I just want to say that I thought this blog was cool before, but I'm thrilled to have *another* reason to stop by and see what you all are chatting about. :); 12:23 AM
DFender said...: Great opening blog, Susan...

Unfortunately for me my "crying wiring" must have been put in sorta caddywompas. I cry when I'm really, really angry or really, really scared. That's it. I don't cry when I'm sad, happy, proud, ashamed, hurt or hurting. Weird. So to answer your question, sometimes. LOL.

Happy Friday!
Deb

fwyrwfg: bah.; 3:55 AM
Lori Foster said...: Susan, that's it exactly! I never thought about it, but you are so right. It's wonderful to be able to have the right thing to say at the right time - for my characters. LOL.
Me, I'm a watering pot. Used to be I cried only when my feelings were hurt, or I was super furious.
As I near 50 (pretty darn close now) I cry over EVERYTHING. Definitely when I'm proud of someone, or talking about my kids, or seeing a baby, or when I'm upset or mad or laughing too hard... it's disgusting.
My sons, all being so much bigger than me, think it's really funny to give me an "Awww," and a hug, while they all grin in superiority. I'm a terrible pincher when that happens. ;-)

Great blog!

Lori; 4:10 AM
Lynn said...: Welcome Susan, looking forward to reading the new book. Just recently I re-read Be My Baby and enjoyed it as much as the first time.

As to your question, I'm not much of a cryer. Never have been. But when I do cry it's rarely over something important, usually a Hallmark commercial or the like. Weird, but there you go.; 5:33 AM
Cbell said...: My crying spurts are typically hormonally related, which means that for the next few days, I will cry if I watch a slug slither over the carport. I will think the silver trail it leaves matches my tears and that life in general would not be as beautiful without slugs in it.

After my hormones are back on track... I'll pop some popcorn, grab the salt and laugh manically while the slug melts away.

Maybe I'm just a sick, sick person?

(Oh, okay... I won't really kill the slug, but I won't be inspired by it either!); 6:22 AM
KathyK said...: Because I read so many witty and intelligent authors, such as the ones on this blog, I can sometimes remember a good comeback when I need it. But usually, yeah, I get choked up and can't think of anything until later. When I was a teenager, I was a mass of exposed nerved endings, and even more sensitive related to hormonal swings. Now that I've settled into menopause (and had a lot more life experience) I am not as labile. But pride in my kids or something sweet my dh does can still make me cry.; 7:27 AM
Tammy said...: Like you Susan, my heart's on the sleeve. Doesn't matter if I'm overly hapy or angry, tears are on the way.; 8:05 AM
Wendy said...: I wish I could control my emotions...I have sympathetic eye ducts, I see someone crying and I cry too. When I'm frustrated, sad, mad, happy, you name it, it has caused tears. And like you, Susan, I always think up the perfect comeback...after the fact. When I see the heroines in the books I read give as good as they get, I always give an internal cheer and swear that someday, I will remember that line use it. And, hopefully, I will!!; 9:00 AM
Susan Andersen said...: See, it's these very different reactions to an emotional situation that I find so interesting. Lucy, I wouldn't mind coming across as angry, as that says strong to me. Crying just says ineffectual. (and mind you this opinion is only in relation to me. It's allll about me :)

I think its the sentimental stuff that I really find embarassing. I mean I don't mind being a little weepy when talking about my sweet baby boy. But the other night the soul mate and I walked down to the little shopping district in our neighborhood to try this new coffee/tea shop and as I commented on how business had really bounced back from its slow erosion into the ghost town it had been threatening to become for a while there tears welled in my eyes. Over a collection of buildings for God's sake!

Lori, love your sons and their Awws and hugs.

Deb, I think that's just the thing--everyone's cry wiring is cattywampus. We're like Goldilocks 3 bears. Lucy & Lynn cry too little. Tammy and I cry too much. You're juuuuuuust right. (g) It took me awhile but like the writing process I finally figured out there is no real right or wrong way, there's just what works for the individual.

But CBell, honey? You're scaring me. Of course you salt the slug!!!

Kathy, menopause actually helped you? It hasn't done a thing for me but make me hot and sweaty.

My, I didn't mean to go on and on. This blogging can be insidious, I'm beginning to suspect. But you get so many intelligent women (and men, mustn't forget the men!) in one place and it can be very tempting to spend the day.

Must work. Must work. That will be my new mantra in Bloggersville.

Cheers, ~Susan; 9:01 AM
Susan Andersen said...: Okay, that's weird. My crying statue just disappeared. Did that happen on everyone's server or just mine?; 9:56 AM
elizabeth said...: *dreams of a delete button*

When arguing, I learned not to say the first, or even last, words that came to mind.

*still dreaming of a delete button*; 10:33 AM
Karibear said...: Forget the 'delete' button, I want an 'undo-redo' button!

Actually, I think how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us ate two totally different things. 15 or so years ago I had to have a psych evaluation [work related] and I got stuck with the most idiotic psychologist who ever managed to wangle a degree. I didn't like him, didn't trust him, and thought he was an incompetent ass. At the same time, I'd just found out dh had an incurable condition and I was slowly going blind - and I was damned if I'd tell the jerk about any of it! Apparently I succeeded in covering up my real feelings [stunned and horrified, to say the least], cuz his report was that I had a flat affect and was one of the most emotionless individuals he'd ever dealt with. Yeah, right, me who cries over Hallmark commercials and that soppy 'reach out and touch someone' ad! I can't stand Christmas TV cuz I spend all my time sopping over the commercials, even though I KNOW they aren't real, but it doesn't help. And we won't even get into puppies and kittens and colts...; 11:09 AM
Stella said...: Hi Susan: I don't see a crying statue either...

Never change. The heart you wear on your sleeve belongs there. If we were all tough, clever, witty and snappy like some of our heroines, what a bore we would be. And how uninteresting our heroines would be.

CBell--what a wonderful comment and how well put. I can see that silvery slug trail now, in fact, sniff, isn't it sparkling just a little.

Great topic, Susan.

Stella, who not only gets stinging tears in her eyes but a runny nose, too!; 11:28 AM
susanandersen said...: My statues back!! Can everyone see it or is this only seen by me because it came from my blog? This is a very mystical site.

Karibear, did you find a cure for your eye condition? My older brother was loosing his eyesight but gas permeable contact lenses halted the condition, where the hard lenses had merely exacerbated it.; 11:42 AM
Lynn said...: Hey Susan - if your statue is supposed to be on the original post, all I'm seeing is a lovely red X signifying something is supposed to be there.

The blogger gods are fickle.; 11:54 AM
elizabeth said...: I never saw a crying statue. Not earlier, not now.

At least you got your Quill sig to work!; 12:29 PM
Jill James said...: Unfortunately I'm one of those 'cry at the drop of a hat' people. I still cry at Little House on the Prairie. I still cry every time I see an old movie set in NY and there are the twin towers. See, tears writing about the towers. I'm so pathetic. LOL Although I think emotions are good for writers, we don't have to dig deep, there they are.; 12:43 PM
Susan Andersen said...: Stubborness is sometimes a fault, sometimes a virtue. I reposted my blog and the statue is up on my page. Is it on anyone elses? I promise I'll quit whining no matter what the answer.

And Hey. I'm not crying. This is good.; 12:52 PM
Lynn said...: Back again avoiding afternoon tasks ...

Sorry Susan, I still don't see the statue. Whine as much as you want, we can work with it. But, as Elizabeth says, the signature looks cool. If you have a different/secondary browser on your computer try posting the picture using it. Sometimes IE won't take the pic but Mozilla or Netscape will.

It's not stubborness, it's tenacity and determination!; 1:27 PM
Karibear said...: No, I can stll see, sort of. I have no depth perception and some other problems, but it's slowed way down and I cope. Thank heaven for audio books! And a huge monitor, so's I can enlarge the font to 40 point. I love my computer.

Contact lenses would be counterproductive, to say the least. Glasses don't work either, they just enlarge the field of blur. My biggest problem is that I don't recognize people until they talk to me, and I have no idea how many think I'm a snob or whatever, since I'm never the first to say Hi.; 1:38 PM
Lori of Canada said...: Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I don't. There are certain movies and books that trigger my tears. In real life, however, there has to be a pretty strong connection.I often seem like I am not as much of a softie as I can be. However, I can think of a couple of incidents lately where i have cried.

I am a high school teacher and I cried a several times at this year's graduation. Once, was over a card a student gave me. It was a beautiful thank you note...and her mother who is ill and has been quite ill for a while wrote an accompanying note thanking me for everything I did. The other time was at grad itself. I had worked with the valedictorians (we had two; it was a tie) on their speech and they did a top ten countdown. The number three thing you should remember from your schooling was teachers. When they said that, a number of students hollered about my name or hollered out my name preceded by "I love you." It was so sweet and I teared up. Third, a student I taught 6 years ago (my first year student teaching; I have been teaching for four years now) wrote me a letter and it was about how much I changed his life and how grateful he was for me inspiring him. Who could stand against that?

I cried last night because one of my best friends is getting married tomorrow afternoon. I am in the bridal party and we had our rehearsal dinner last night. She and her fiance gave out thank you gifts and they gave me a beautiful quilt with a phrase about friendship on it. They also did speeches about everyone; I couldn't not cry.

Susan, glad to have you posting here. Great topic (but sorry, I don't see a statue either)

Lori M.; 3:30 PM
Susan Andersen said...: Lori, it sounds as if you've had LOTS of happy stuff to cry about. How great to be appreciated. As you no doubt know, teachers aren't always, and that's a shame.

I don't know what to do about the pic. Lori just looked at the html and said it looked fine to her, and when she checked the statue showed up for her. It shows up for me, too, which makes it doubly frustrating because if I can see it how am I supposed to realize not everyone else can? Cissy! Are you there? I want my money back. (ok, ok, I haven't actually paid anything yet, but still....); 4:30 PM
Stella said...: Celeste is trying to fix the problem. Give her a little time.

Stella; 4:54 PM
Lori of Canada said...: Susan,

I like happy reasons to cry; they make the tears feel more worthwhile. ;)
It is definitely true that some teachers aren't; a sad statement (and as a teacher, I can say this) is that some teachers don't appreciate the position they are in. I love teaching and am always proud to say I teach.

I am not sure where the statue is supposed to be but I think you picked an excellent topic for your first blog here!!!

Lori M.; 5:06 PM
Lynn said...: Hey, I see a statue. :-); 5:28 PM
KathyK said...: Susan, working through peri-menopause was hot and sweaty. Now the wild swings in hormones have settled and it's not so bad.

Speaking of "heart on your sleeve" your books consistently make me cry because they are full of deep emotion and real people who struggle to deal with the blows of life to come out well in the end. Thanks for all your hard work over the years. I look forward to reading more in the future. XOX; 6:34 PM
Susan Andersen said...: No, no, Thank You! It's readers like you that keep us writers writin'.; 7:02 PM
talpianna said...: Forget the Delete and Undo/Redo buttons--I'm still looking for the REWIND button on my biological clock!

I see the statue. Does that mean that my heart is pure?

I'm not an easy crier, even sometimes when I should cry. I guess in that I take after my father, who once told me how much he wished he could have cried at his father's funeral, but being raised as a typical man (and an Army officer, at that!) he simply couldn't.

But there are three things that are guaranteed to make me cry: any reference to Helen Keller's learning her first word, especially the scene at the end of THE MIRACLE WORKER; any reference to the rescue at Dunkirk, especially the scene in MRS. MINIVER and Robert Nathan's poem, in which the exhausted teenagers who took their little sailboat over are guided back by the spirits of Raleigh and Drake; and the scene towards the end of Charles Williams's DESCENT INTO HELL, where Pauline volunteers to bear her martyred ancestor's pain and fear and finds out that her lifetime terror of her doppelganger has really been about that all along.

eipdyo -- Even if panicked, do your own (thing).; 7:10 PM
Stella said...: We have to thank the lovely Celeste Faurie for fixing Susan's dear crying statue.

Stella; 9:15 PM
Ranurgis said...: Oh, yeah, sounds very familiar--especially coming up with the right retort days or weeks later. I keep thinking of incidents like that, too. I can be a quick thinker but I guess my childhood has left me scarred in that. I hate to argue with anybody and have never learned how to. Since I'm almost 6 years older than my next sibling and more than 11 years older than the youngest out of 4, I never had any real help when I was honing my skills of argumenting especially since my father would not allow me to do it at the dinner table--one of the few times we were all together. His dictum was, more or less, children should be seen and not heard.

Imagine how surprised I was when I next returned to my home after I was gone for two years and actually found my younger siblings and sometimes even my father teasing each other. That had been unheard of before I left at 18 for two years in Europe.

You're lucky, however. You can let your alter egos come up with the right retorts.

I've sometimes been embarrassed at the tears I couldn't shed and the others I shed for pure sentimentality rather than from true emotion. Maybe sometimes the true emotion is too deep for tears and we're still in a case of shock. We're weird creatures, aren't we?; 9:37 PM
Susan Andersen said...: thank you, lovely Celeste!; 10:30 PM
Lori Foster said...: I'm just finding time to read all the posts, and Cbell, and you're HYSTERICAL!!! I love it. As a woman in menapause, I understood completely about your slug. LOL
Hugs!

Lori; 4:16 AM
DFender said...: LOL @ the Slug... that should be a menopausal logo..

As I'm sitting here typing with sweaty hands... my own personal, mini, tropical vacation aka a hotflash... I thought I'd let Susan know that I, too, can see her statue. Good job, Celeste :)

Deb

qoeacec: Quills often enhance as chance encounters characters.; 8:45 AM
Suzanne Simmons said...: Hurrah! I see the statue now!

I really enjoyed your first official blog, Susan. And everyone's posts.

I'm emotional, but I don't cry often. Although I swear I've spent most of the past 8-9 months in tears. Happy tears. Sad tears. We all have those times in our lives.; 8:46 AM
Cbell said...: Thanks Lori... I live to make people laugh.

I'm not going through menapause as yet, but my 73 year old father told me the other day that I was getting close to that age, and my 73 year old mother agreed with him, letting me know that she starting at 45 and since I haven't had children, I will start sooner.

I had to walk away from them before I bludgeoned them with the nearest blunt object I could find! One day, there will be a story about it on my blogsite! Ha!; 11:04 AM
Teresa Medeiros said...: Welcome Susan! What a wonderful addition you'll be to the sparkling Quills crew! :); 1:44 PM

Previous Posts

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

36 Comments: