Suzanne "jumps" at the chance to interview Shirley Jump

I had a celebratory lunch last week with my friend and fellow romance author Shirley Jump. Her feet weren't touching the ground that day because SUGAR AND SPICE, a Christmas anthology she's part of, had hit the USA Today and NYT extended bestseller lists. I had a few pertinent questions for Shirley about the writing life.

Suzanne: Why would any sane person want to be a writer?

Shirley: First, you make the assumption that I AM a sane person. Right there is the flaw in your logic. There are many days when I question my sanity, and pretty much 365 days a year when my husband does. Bless his heart, he stays with me anyway. I think it's something to do with a charitable tax deduction.

Suzanne: What is your writing schedule like?

Shirley: Excuse me while I have a laughing fit. Okay, there. I feel better now. I have two kids. Two dogs. Two cats. And the aforementioned husband. That means whenever I think I'm about to have a great uninterrupted writing day, someone forgets a trombone at home, someone pukes, someone needs shots...in other words, one of those bothersome people in my house needs me to do something that I hadn't figured into my day and my whole writing day is shot. So I end up running to school, the pediatrician, the vet...anywhere but the office. And vow to write more the next day.

To get some actual writing time, I feed my children junk food, allow them to dress in clothes they find on the floor, and encourage the dogs to be my vacuum cleaners.

Suzanne: Who do you want to be when you grow up?

Shirley: Again, flawed logic. Assumes I actually want to grow up. Growing up means I'd have to take responsibility for my actions. Quit eating chocolate for breakfast (thanks for that box of chocolates for my birthday, Sue. It was a very nutritious breakfast last week and was a good replacement for those nasty Wheaties). If I had to choose anyone to be when I grow up, it would be Peter Pan because he doesn't have to cook. He just imagines the food and it's there. That's the kind of kitchen I want.

Suzanne: How would you describe your books?

Shirley: Not a fair question. Because I would go on glowingly for hours about the brilliant writing, the complex story lines, the incredible characters...oh, who am I kidding? Five minutes of that and I'd be weeping in my chocolates, begging you to reassure me that I truly don't stink and can indeed write my way out of a paper bag. Hey, I'm an artiste. That means I am riddled with angst (I dine on chocolate all day...it's bound to mess with my emotional state). Let me put it this way--I am a better writer than most, but not all, of my son's third grade class.

Suzanne: Tell me about the life of an author. Is it really as glamorous as people think?

Shirley: Oh yeah. I told you about the chocolate, right? Well, that's the only perk.

The day I sold my first book, I was expecting the feather boas, the loveseat and the Pekingese. Instead, I got a nearly three-year-old with an overloaded diaper, a dog who had jumped INTO the Christmas tree (thanks to the three year old throwing a tennis ball into the tree). The dog knocked the tree onto the floor--glass everywhere--and then left me a carpet full of doggie surprises the next morning because my sweet Golden Retriever ate those nice shiny ornaments.

The day after my 14th book hit the bestseller lists, I came home to the same dog and a whole lot more doggy surprises from her eating something else equally bad for her digestion. Since the maid is still wearing her invisibility cloak, I had to clean it up myself. My editor suggested that maybe all the excitement of sales and bestseller lists is too much for my dog, and perhaps we should keep the news quiet. I think maybe I just need to buy an island and trade in the dog for a lot more cats. It worked for Hemingway, didn't it?

Suzanne: Finally, what do you dream of for your future?

Shirley: Peace in my living room, good will among my children, dogs that don't shed and dinners that cook themselves. If I could have all that and an island too, well, hey, then I might not need the chocolate anymore to get through my day. :-)

Suzanne: Thanks for talking with me, Shirley. You always make me laugh!

Inquiring Minds want to know: Do you give books as Christmas/holiday gifts? If so, what is your favorite kind of book to give as a gift? (I buy books for myself, wrap them, and put them under the tree with a tag that says: To Sue from Santa.)