Suzanne presents Shirley Jump

Shirley Jump commiserates with RUDOLPH IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE

I feel bad for Rudolph, I really do. I think the poor little fella gets a bad rap every Christmas. First, there’s an entire song devoted to his physical handicap, which is completely un-PC, and not at all very nice. Then, to make matters worse, he’s only employed for one day out of the year.

Here’s Santa, running all over the world, dispensing gifts with abandon to every Tommy, Jenny and Larry, but he can’t keep one tiny reindeer on the payroll. Every time I drive by the unemployment office on my way to the mall, I keep an eye out for four little hooves and a big red nose, sure I’ll see Rudolph handing in his paperwork to collect a check.

Being in an unpredictable field myself, I can sympathize with Rudolph. One day you’re hot, your nose is on fire, the next day, your book is off the shelves, your sleigh reins are retired, and you’re put out to pasture with the sheep, or whatever it is that grazes up there at the North Pole.

Of course, unlike Rudolph, I have ten fingers and can type up another idea, send it off to my editor and wait a couple light years for her to read it and decide if it totally stinks like reindeer poo or will actually make a decent book.

Like Rudolph, I wait around for someone to drop contracts sort of down my chimney (though my editor is not a fat guy in a red suit). They never come wrapped, but they do come in nice little envelopes, and I really wouldn’t care if they came by carrier pigeon, as long as they keep on coming.

I do have it a lot better than Rudolph, though. I don’t have to sleep in a barn, after all. No one makes fun of my nose (especially not since that little mole removal thing). There aren’t any songs making fun of me (okay, not that I know of. With the MySpace revolution, there could be a whole page dedicated to making fun of me and I’d be completely oblivious). No one’s rerunning a movie from the 1960s featuring my hopelessly nasal voice and jerky Claymation body running all around the North Pole with a dentist elf, searching for misfits. It’s a cute movie, really, and I do hope Rudolph at least gets a cut of the royalties because a reindeer’s gotta eat, you know.

So, this December 26th I can’t complain. At least I’ll still have a job. Little old Rudolph though. . . he’ll be hunting for the North Pole unemployment line once again. And waiting 364 days for his nose to shine in the sky, one reindeer who may go down in history—

But won’t have much to show in his retirement account for all that notoriety.

Inquiring Minds want to know at this festive time of year: Is your job in the unpredictable reindeer/writer category? Or do you have a relatively stable working life?

P.S. More of Shirley's crazy and delightful sense of humor can be enjoyed through her romantic comedies. So check out www.ShirleyJump.com and her current bestselling Christmas novella.