ELIZABETH SALUTES THE ART OF THE INSULT

I hadn't thought much about it, but a friend (thanks Margaret!) pointed out to me one of the most common evolutions in our daily speech.

Back in the old days -- shortly after the dinos poofed into the unexpected sunrise--people crafted their insults with exquisite care.

Butthead didn't cut it.

Neither did dogbreath.

Neither did any of the single syllable words so beloved of The Sopranos. Does that mean people were nicer way back when?

*laughs hysterically*

Um, not only no, but hell no. Here's a sampling of my favorite insults from the days when obscenities didn't see print.

Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." Winston Churchill, to Shaw.

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway.
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner.


And, finally, the real crusher:

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas


Have any favorites you'd like to add?